Sex Info

Use these help­ful check­lists below to fig­ure out if sex is what you want.

Remem­ber, the most impor­tant per­son in your sex life is you.

Am I ready to have sex? 

When you’re fig­ur­ing out if you’re ready for sex, you want to ask your­self the
most basic ques­tions pos­si­ble, like:

  • Why do I want to do this?
  • Who do I want to do this for?
  • What do I expect from sex?
  • What does my part­ner expect from sex?

Real­i­ty Check

There’s no guar­an­tee that sex will:

  • Cre­ate a clos­er rela­tion­ship with your part­ner or make it last longer
  • Give you an orgasm or mind-blow­ing pleasure
  • Feel great the first time or feel awful the first time
  • Make you cool­er to your friends
  • Make you more mature or grownup or a real” man or woman

How do I know if I’m ready? 

(From the Scar­leteen Sex Readi­ness Check­list)

Here are some of the items you would want to check” off your list:

Body check­list:

  • I’ve had a recent med­ical check­up where I was test­ed for infec­tions. My
    part­ner has had the same.
  • I under­stand my own anato­my and my part­ner’s anato­my and the basics of
    inter­course, sex­u­al­ly trans­mit­ted infec­tions (STIs), and human reproduction.
  • I can tell when I am sex­u­al­ly aroused and I know when I’m not. I know what
    I need to get turned on and when I just can’t feel turned on.
  • I can relax dur­ing sex­u­al activ­i­ty with­out feel­ing wor­ried, tense, or
  • I can han­dle a small amount of phys­i­cal pain.

Rela­tion­ship checklist:

  • I can set lim­its (say no when I want to) and can trust my part­ner to respect my
    lim­its at all times.
  • I can insist on using a con­dom even if my part­ner does­n’t want to.
  • I can tell what I want for myself, and can tell the dif­fer­ence between what I
    want and what my part­ner, friends, or fam­i­ly want.
  • I can trust my part­ner and they can trust me.
  • I can tell my part­ner eas­i­ly what I want, and when I do or don’t like
    some­thing. My part­ner can tell me the same things and I’ll be a good
  • I care about my part­ner’s health, emo­tions, and well-being, and show it by
    how I act.
  • If I do choose to have sex with my part­ner, I can change my mind at any time, and
    I can choose to stop hav­ing sex at any time.

Emo­tion­al checklist:

  • I don’t have any reli­gious, cul­tur­al, or fam­i­ly beliefs that say it’s
    wrong for me to have sex right now. If I do, and I decide to have sex, I’m
    pre­pared for the pos­si­ble con­se­quences and my own feelings.
  • I can take full respon­si­bil­i­ty for my own emo­tions, expec­ta­tions, and
  • I can han­dle being dis­ap­point­ed, con­fused, or upset.
  • I have a mem­ber of my fam­i­ly I can talk to about sex, and/​or friends I can go to
    for emo­tion­al support.
  • I can sep­a­rate sex from love, and do not want to use sex to manip­u­late my
  • I under­stand that hav­ing sex could change my rela­tion­ship for bet­ter or
  • I feel I can emo­tion­al­ly han­dle a pos­si­ble preg­nan­cy or infec­tion, or rejec­tion
    from my partner.

Choos­ing to have sex 

If you feel you’re ready for sex, it’s impor­tant to make sure you have
all the infor­ma­tion you need. Take a look at the oth­er sec­tions of this web­site and the oth­er sites in the Resources sec­tion! These will give you
the infor­ma­tion you’ll need to make the expe­ri­ence as enjoy­able, safe,
plea­sur­able, and com­fort­able as pos­si­ble. And don’t for­get to go over these
things with your partner!

For starters, here are some of the basics you might need:

  • Sev­er­al good qual­i­ty con­doms gloves, and/​or den­tal dams, and both you and your
    part­ner know how to use them cor­rect­ly. Also, you’ve checked the expi­ra­tion
    date to make sure they’re still effective.
  • A large bot­tle of latex-safe, water-sol­u­ble lube. No oil-based lubes because
    they’ll destroy condoms.
  • If there’s a chance you or your part­ner could get preg­nant, a sec­ond kind
    of birth con­trol for use along with condoms.
  • A list of local clin­ics and their phone num­bers. See our Test­ing sec­tion or theClin­ic and Con­dom Find­er for these.
  • Be pre­pared that you might need a sex bud­get” for things like birth con­trol and safer-sex items. You may be able to get these things for free from your doc­tor’s office or clin­ic, but not always.

Age of consent 

It’s impor­tant to know about the laws in Cana­da that state how old you and
your part­ner have to be before you can have sex. For most kinds of sex­u­al activ­i­ty, if you are:

  • 16 or old­er, you can choose to have sex with any­one (as long as they are of the legal age to have sex with you and are not an author­i­ty figure);
  • 14 or 15, you can choose to have sex with some­one who is no more than five years old­er than you; and
  • 12 or 13, you can choose to have sex with some­one who is no more than two years old­er than you.

The Crim­i­nal Code of Cana­da states that per­sons under the age of 18 can­not engage in anal inter­course except if they are legal­ly mar­ried. As long as the Crim­i­nal Code remains unchanged and you’re over the age of 18, you could be charged for hav­ing anal sex with some­one younger than 18.

This does­n’t mean that you have to have sex at a cer­tain age. Age does­n’t deter­mine whether you’re ready for sex — you do.

Choos­ing NOT to have sex 

There are lots of good rea­sons to not have sex. You can choose to be absti­nent
for­ev­er, for a few years, or for a few weeks. You might choose absti­nence because:

  • You don’t want to risk get­ting preg­nant (or get­ting some­one preg­nant). No birth con­trol is 100% effective.
  • It pro­tects you from most STIs.
  • You can’t get birth con­trol and safer sex items.
  • Your reli­gion or beliefs don’t allow pre-mar­i­tal sex.
  • You aren’t ready for a sex­u­al partner.
  • You aren’t inter­est­ed in sex right now (maybe there are more impor­tant things going on, you’re not sure about it, or are feel­ing sick of sex”).
  • You’re not inter­est­ed in sex at all. Your feel­ings may change over time and if you’re not inter­est­ed in sex, it does­n’t mean there’s any­thing wrong with you.

Things you can do instead of hav­ing sex

You don’t need to have sex­u­al inter­course to be inti­mate or feel close to your part­ner. If you don’t feel you’re ready to have sex, there are many oth­er things you can do instead; depend­ing on your own com­fort lev­el, of course.

Here are some of the things you can do instead of hav­ing sex:

  • Hold hands;
  • Hug;
  • Kiss;
  • Touch;
  • Mas­sage;
  • Phone sex, sex­ting” or cyber sex; or
  • Mas­tur­bate.

There are also things you can do that can bring you clos­er to your part­ner, with­out actu­al­ly get­ting close. These might include:

  • Talk­ing in per­son, on the phone, or online;
  • Watch­ing movies;
  • Going for coffee;
  • Going for a walk;
  • Exer­cis­ing together;
  • Play­ing pool;
  • Going bowl­ing; or
  • Hang­ing out in a group of friends.

Relat­ed Links