Condom Comebacks

Adapt­ed from the Head and Hands Sense Project Peer Edu­ca­tion Train­ing Man­u­al, with input from TeenTalk MB.

Q — Don’t you trust me?

A — Yep, I trust you not to put us at risk for infec­tion.
A — I do trust you, but either of us could be infect­ed and not know about it. It would be much eas­i­er for me to relax and enjoy myself if I didn’t have to think about HIV or oth­er STIs.

Q — You were car­ry­ing a con­dom with you? You were plan­ning to seduce me!

A — You’re right! Just call me safe­ty boy /​safety girl … always ready for action.
A — I always car­ry one with me, just in case, because you nev­er know what could happen.

Q — I can’t feel a thing when I wear a condom.

A — Well you won’t be feel­ing MY thing with­out a con­dom!
A — Move over here, sexy, and I’ll make sure you feel something.

Q — C’mon, I know I’m clean. I haven’t had sex with any­one for months.

A — With­out a con­dom I won’t be help­ing you change that.
A — You can’t know that you’re STI free unless you’ve been test­ed at a clinic.

Q — Con­doms are uncom­fort­able and tight.

A — They blow up to the size of my head. You’re not that big.
A — So is deliv­er­ing a baby.

Q — That’s insult­ing! Do you think I’m a dis­eased dirtbag?

A — Nope, that’s not what I meant. But do you know how com­mon STIs are? I just don’t want to take any chances.
A — That’s not what I said or implied. These virus­es don’t care how many lovers you’ve had. They just want a way inside your body. I don’t have sex with­out con­doms so I won’t have to deal with them.

Q — Con­doms kill the spontaneity.

A — So does this argu­ment. I don’t do pen­e­tra­tion with­out a con­dom and lube, end of dis­cus­sion.
A — It doesn’t have to be that way. I’ve got a con­dom right here in my pock­et (night­stand draw­er, fish­bowl on the shelf, bin by the bar) and the lube comes in these handy indi­vid­ual use pack­ages. We’re ready to go!

Q — Just this once!

A — Once is all it takes.
A — The risk just isn’t worth it to me.

Q — I’m a virgin.

A — I’m not. This way we’ll both be protected.

Q — I don’t have a con­dom with me.

A — I do.
A — I guess we’ll have to post­pone until we get some!

Q — I won’t have sex with you if you’re going to use a condom.

A — Fine, there are plen­ty of peo­ple who will.
A — Well, why don’t we have sex some way that’s safe with­out it — get your hands involved, use your imagination!